When he woke up the next morning Die still had the same silly grin on his face. After talking for a while they had all gone to sleep, because even in the midst of an emotional revelation Kaoru was still responsible enough to remember that they all had work to do the next day.

 

            Die couldn’t quite get over the fact that they both wanted to be with him. Having Toshiya declare an interest had been shocking enough, but the fact that Kaoru was interested too was something that he hadn’t seen coming at all. In all the years they had known each other the idea that Kaoru might be anything other than totally straight had simply never occurred to him, and part of his brain was still struggling to assimilate the new information.

 

            His body, however, was much quicker to adjust. He couldn’t remember quite how they had been lying when he had fallen asleep, only that at some point they had all shed their jeans and climbed under the covers. He vaguely remembered lying with his head on Toshiya’s shoulder, and the memory of Kaoru gently resting his hand on Die’s hip for the first time as they all talked was sharp and clear. That was as far as he remembered any intimacy between them going, because they were both still feeling more than a little shy and cautious with each other, and yet some time during the night something seemed to have changed because when he woke up everything was different.

 

            Kaoru was curled up against Die’s back, chin tucked over his shoulder, breath warm against his neck. His arm was wrapped loosely around Die, palm flat against Die’s solar plexus, and one knee was wedged into the back of Die’s. It was an intimate position to be in, far more so than Die had ever experienced with Kaoru before, and there was something oddly possessive about it that Die liked more than he would have expected to.

 

            He could have woken up completely at that point but decided that he didn’t want to, so he just relaxed into the warmth of the bodies on either side of him and went right back to sleep, and it was hours before he woke again to find both of them smiling at him.

            Die had a noticeable spring in his step as he went about his day. He really couldn’t remember the last time he had been so happy.

            Both of them kept grinning at him. That was the best part – they were both clearly as happy to have him around as he was to be around them.

 

            He was so caught up in his giddy little haze that he had almost walked into a wall several times. Which was a little embarrassing, but he couldn’t quite bring himself to care.

 

            It was at one of those moments, when he was walking too fast and not looking where he was going, that a small hand closed around his wrist and he looked back to find Kaoru grinning up at him.

 

            “Better be careful. If you bang your head on the wall it’s going to be kind of hard to explain how you ended up with the bruise.” Kaoru’s grin widened as a blush spread across Die’s cheeks. “Besides, I want you with all your wits about you, not passed out as soon as the show’s over.”

 

            Die’s blush deepened at the look in Kaoru’s eyes. He wanted to say something witty, but that look seemed to wipe every trace of intelligence from his brain and all he could think about was what it would be like to kiss Kaoru.

 

            Grin widening even further, Kaoru glanced around them as if searching for something before apparently settling on whatever he had been looking for. With another intense look at Die he was off, dragging his friend behind him, hand still locked loosely around his wrist.

 

            Die was about to protest when he realized that he really didn’t care where Kaoru was taking him. He was too busy watching Kaoru’s ass and realizing that he essentially had permission to be staring at it. 

 

            He was still in ass-fixation mode when Kaoru pulled him into what seemed to be some sort of storage room. He was peripherally aware of stacked chairs and what seemed to be cleaning supplies and a bunch of other random stuff, but he really wasn’t that interested in it, especially when Kaoru turned around and grinned up at him.

 

            “So, you seem a little distracted today.”

 

            “Yeah, well, you know, it’s not every day I wake up with two of my best friends in my bed.”

 

            Kaoru laughed softly and moved closer, hands finding their way to Die’s waist. “It will be from now on if you want it to.”

 

            Die looked down into sparkling dark eyes, feeling almost dazed by the intensity that he saw there. When he finally pulled himself together enough to speak his voice was a little shaky. “Can you seriously even doubt that that’s what I want?”

 

            Kaoru smiled as his arms slipped around Die and up his back, the warmth of his friend’s skin clearly perceptible through the thin fabric of his t-shirt. “I’ve been waiting and wondering for years. I think I’m going to need some proof before I completely believe it.”

 

            “And what kind of proof are you looking for?”

 

            “Maybe something like this.” With that Kaoru leaned up and closed the distance between their lips.

 

            It was a soft kiss at first, tentative, and it wasn’t until Die’s hands slid around Kaoru’s waist and he moaned softly that Kaoru moved closer. Leaning up into his body, hands sliding over his shoulders as Die’s hands found their own perfect place against his lower back…it was exactly what a first kiss should be.

 

            When they finally separated they were both smiling, big silly smiles that expressed both happiness and relief. It felt like a bridge had been crossed, a pact sealed, and suddenly the sense that none of it could quite be real was gone, replaced by a sort of quiet certainty that the feelings that had formed a silent backdrop to their relationship for years were both real and mutual.

 

            “Enough proof for you?”

 

            “More than enough.” Kaoru paused to think for a moment, then gave Die a sly grin. “Although on the other hand I have been feeling pretty paranoid. Maybe you could convince me some more. It’ll be a while before anyone misses us.”

 

            Die laughed. “Kaoru, are you trying to manipulate me into making out with you when we’re supposed to be warming up?”

 

            Kaoru laughed back and stood up on his tiptoes, bringing them so close together that Die could actually feel Kaoru’s breath against his lips. “Maybe. Is it working?”

 

            “Depends” Die blushed a little as he slid his hands over Kaoru’s ass, residual nervousness fighting with the sheer lust that he felt towards his friend and losing miserably. “Is my being allowed to touch you, say, down here part of the deal?”

 

            Kaoru laughed again as he leaned in to whisper in Die’s ear. “You’re allowed to touch me anywhere you want. In fact, I’m going to be very disappointed if you don’t.”

 

            The whimper that Die was quite unable to contain was muffled by Kaoru’s lips closing over his again just in time, or else they might have found themselves with a lot of explaining to do.

            By the end of the day Die felt like every single nerve ending in his body was tingling in anticipation. There was no point in being coy about what was going to happen – they were going to have sex. All of them, as soon as they could find some time alone. Die’s little encounter with Kaoru in the afternoon had sealed it, removed the last obstacle in their path, because the kisses they had shared had left no doubt in either of their minds that the attraction between them was mutual.

 

            The oddest thing for Die was that the sense of discomfort that he usually associated with any feelings of attraction towards other men seemed to have sort of quietly faded away over the previous few days. Having Toshiya discover the very worse of his secrets and not walk away had started the unraveling of the hard, tense little knot of guilt and fear that he had been carrying around ever since he had first admitted to himself that he wasn’t straight no matter how hard he tried to be, and then realizing that not only was Toshiya not disgusted with him, he was actually attracted to him, had hastened the unraveling process even more. Just knowing that someone he respected, someone he trusted, was as queer as he was made a huge difference. Suddenly he didn’t feel alone any more. And then to realize that Kaoru was as attracted to men as he was…

 

Die had always felt that his attraction to men meant that he was failing as a man on some fundamental level. He had tried to suppress it, he really had, but the harder he tried the more those feelings seemed to haunt him. He had always felt as if his inability to just ignore those feelings represented a personal failure, an inability to master himself, and it was something that he had always been deeply ashamed of. It had never really occurred to him that there were any options for dealing with those feelings other than shame and attempts at ignoring them and then shame again every time his will proved too weak to resist.

 

But Toshiya wasn’t ashamed, and neither was Kaoru. Both of them were clearly aware of the social stigma attached to being gay, because both had gone out of their way to hide that part of themselves, and they had done such a good job of it that Die had honestly never even suspected that they weren’t both totally straight. But beyond the need to maintain a socially acceptable persona, when they were alone and in company they trusted, it was clear that both of them were completely comfortable with their attraction to men. And that, to Die, was a revelation. To be around both of them, to touch them and kiss them and feel desire flowing between all of them and to have no sense of fear or guilt at all…that was something that he hadn’t anticipated, wouldn’t even have been able to imagine, and it changed everything.

 

Die looked up to find Kaoru talking to the sound guy and one of the lighting people. Both men were listening attentively, and the body language within the group made it very clear that Kaoru was the one in charge. Which was the case in most situations, really – Kaoru almost always took charge, without even seeming to have to try very hard. It was something that Die had always secretly envied, because he had never been able to pull it off himself. He could make people like him, but not respect him.

 

Kaoru, on the other hand, wasn’t just lacking in Die’s sexuality-induced sense of insecurity – he was bossy, sometimes even downright arrogant. Die stood there watching him, the events of the past few days playing over in his head, and had a quiet little revelation.

 

Kaoru was attracted to men. Die had experienced proof of that. What did that mean for Die’s own sense of himself as a failure as a man because he was gay? That someone as utterly convinced of his right to be in charge as Kaoru wasn’t straight?

 

He stood there quietly watching his old friend wrap up the conversation, both crew members nodding politely and scurrying off to do Kaoru’s bidding. They didn’t just magically know that Kaoru was gay, not even after being around him for years, and if they had known would it really have changed anything?

 

Die jumped slightly as Kaoru looked over and smiled at him. It was a sweet smile, full of affection, and Die remained frozen to the spot as Kaoru made his way over, finally coming to a halt only inches in front of Die.  After taking a quick glance around to make sure that they were alone, Kaoru wrapped both arms around Die, leaning up to hug him. Die closed his arms around Kaoru’s back reflexively, still lost in thought.

 

“Are you doing OK?” Kaoru’s voice was a quiet rumble in Die’s ear. “You had the weirdest look on your face for a minute there.”

 

“Sorry, I was just thinking about some stuff.”

 

Kaoru pulled back and looked at his friend. “What kind of stuff?”

 

“I dunno…” Die sighed as Kaoru gave him a pointed look and gave up trying to dissemble. “It’s just that I’ve always felt so weird about the gay thing, you know? Like I was a huge failure as a man and if anyone knew they’d laugh at me.”

 

Kaoru squeezed him gently, smiling up at him. “OK, first of all, no one’s going to know for sure unless you tell them, as long as you remember to keep your hands to yourself in public. Second of all…look, people have wondered for years, I know I always did, so if they were going to freak out about it don’t you think they’d already have said something? And thirdly…your being a big guy has advantages, you know. If anyone gives you any shit just knock them on their ass, or get Toshi to do it for you.” Kaoru grinned up at Die. “I’d offer to help but I’m not really built for decking people. I can be really mean to them if you want, though.”

 

Die looked down at Kaoru, taking in not only his words but his body language, the way he was holding Die, the way he’d come over as soon as he realized Die was feeling odd. For the first time it really hit him that what Kaoru and Toshiya were offering him was real, and it went far beyond just sex. It meant finally not being alone, having people who had his back. It meant no longer being afraid that if anyone discovered his secret he would be abandoned by everyone he cared about, because two of the most important people would be right there with him, and whatever flaws either of them might have they were nothing if not loyal.

 

“What?” Kaoru stroked Die’s back gently, searching his face, trying to figure out what he was thinking, smiling as Die’s gaze finally came back into focus again.

 

Die just smiled, wrapping his own arms around Kaoru and pulling him into a hug, sighing gently as Kaoru’s arms tightened around him. “Nothing. I’m just glad that you’re here.”